Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Wax Bath Myth
So, after watching the movie Wanted, we became intrigued by the wax bath scene's and wondered if we could recreate something like that in our own home. A little research proved fruitful as we discovered the history of wax used for healing. Roman healers used paraffin wax on fresh wounds to mildly anesthetize, reduce blood flow and clean wounds so that when the wax was removed there would be a fresh, clean, slightly painful wound to be stitched up. Medieval healers dipped body parts in wax mixed with oil to help heal bruises, toughen the skin and muscle and increase the white blood cells under the wax. I've seen it asked many times, does the wax have healing properties itself? No, sorry, it doesn't.
What the wax does is heat the skin, increasing the flow of white blood cells and antibodies to the site, soften skin and muscle to reduce future injury and RSI and a handy side effect is that it softens skin whilst firming it. Wax dipping can be used to cleanse hands, feet and most areas of skin of oil based products, greasy substances, as treatment from arthritis, diabetes, many skin related problems and as a beauty treatment for softer, firmer, younger looking skin. The wax bath is tricky, because you have to trust the person watching you that they make sure the wax won't cover your nose and that you don't ingest it.
In a wax bath, the wax keeps the water and body warm, allowing blood to flow freely and the body to work faster, thus cutting the healing time from days or weeks to hours or days. An hour under wax in a bath will heal most surface bruises, muscle damage, ligament damage, scratches, scrapes and mostly heal deep tissue bruises, cartilage tears and speed up the beginning process for bone breaks, internal problems and can even alleviate respiratory and sinus problems like chest colds, coughs, wheezing and flu symptoms. I've been a smoker for an ungodly number of years and two wax baths a week have helped me breathe better for longer periods of time.
HOWEVER, and this is a big one, if you consider using a full body paraffin wax bath to help with any of the problems, symptoms etc that are listed in this entry, please, for the love of god, consult your GP FIRST then find a professional! Allergies to paraffin are not all that common, but are not so rare that they don't test for it. I did it on my own at home, but then again I don't have a lot of sense and tend to do stupid shit a lot. I am not all knowing, and won't take responsibility if you kill yourself because you were an idiot.
What the wax does is heat the skin, increasing the flow of white blood cells and antibodies to the site, soften skin and muscle to reduce future injury and RSI and a handy side effect is that it softens skin whilst firming it. Wax dipping can be used to cleanse hands, feet and most areas of skin of oil based products, greasy substances, as treatment from arthritis, diabetes, many skin related problems and as a beauty treatment for softer, firmer, younger looking skin. The wax bath is tricky, because you have to trust the person watching you that they make sure the wax won't cover your nose and that you don't ingest it.
In a wax bath, the wax keeps the water and body warm, allowing blood to flow freely and the body to work faster, thus cutting the healing time from days or weeks to hours or days. An hour under wax in a bath will heal most surface bruises, muscle damage, ligament damage, scratches, scrapes and mostly heal deep tissue bruises, cartilage tears and speed up the beginning process for bone breaks, internal problems and can even alleviate respiratory and sinus problems like chest colds, coughs, wheezing and flu symptoms. I've been a smoker for an ungodly number of years and two wax baths a week have helped me breathe better for longer periods of time.
HOWEVER, and this is a big one, if you consider using a full body paraffin wax bath to help with any of the problems, symptoms etc that are listed in this entry, please, for the love of god, consult your GP FIRST then find a professional! Allergies to paraffin are not all that common, but are not so rare that they don't test for it. I did it on my own at home, but then again I don't have a lot of sense and tend to do stupid shit a lot. I am not all knowing, and won't take responsibility if you kill yourself because you were an idiot.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Case Study - What happens when you shot a dozen red bull™.
I recently began to wonder about the effects of shotting different non alcoholic liquids, so some friends and I set out to unravell the mysterious unknown. Our first brain wave was Red Bull™, so we bought a dozen cans each, set up some shots and began to experiment.
First hour.
First through third cans.
Nothing really happened during this time, no one logged any throne time and no ill effects were noted other then a slight increase energy.
Second hour.
Fourth through sixth cans.
This was where the fun began. One friend nearly burst the banks and rushed to the almighty porcelain bucket, while another began to fidget seriously, talking a hundred words a minute. As I regularly drink high amounts of caffeine, the drink was taking it's time to work.
Third hour.
Seventh through ninth cans.
Someone threw up during this period. The puke was a sickly diseased yellow and had annonymous chunks throughout, strange enough for someone who started the experiment not having eaten in nearly ten hours. Notably higher usage of the toilet occured and several people began to jump up and down in an attempt to use the excess energy. We turned the music up and used it as an excuse to mosh.
Fourth hour.
Tenth through twelth cans.
We're all seriously wondering wether this was a good idea. One friend reports neon green piss, another regurgitates a bottomless black pit and yet another is bouncing around on the trampoline like his life depends on it. I'm feeling quite giddy by this time, flying on a caffeine high that's actually more like things have sped up a bit. It's more like being a hyperactive ten year old whose been fed too many red frogs and I have experienced the neon green toilet visions. We've far surpassed the 'safe' daily dosage and fear that the caffeine may have lasting effects. If we ever decide to do anything that stupid again, someone, please knock us out till we see sense. It just goes to show that there are warnings on things for a reason, most of the time.
First hour.
First through third cans.
Nothing really happened during this time, no one logged any throne time and no ill effects were noted other then a slight increase energy.
Second hour.
Fourth through sixth cans.
This was where the fun began. One friend nearly burst the banks and rushed to the almighty porcelain bucket, while another began to fidget seriously, talking a hundred words a minute. As I regularly drink high amounts of caffeine, the drink was taking it's time to work.
Third hour.
Seventh through ninth cans.
Someone threw up during this period. The puke was a sickly diseased yellow and had annonymous chunks throughout, strange enough for someone who started the experiment not having eaten in nearly ten hours. Notably higher usage of the toilet occured and several people began to jump up and down in an attempt to use the excess energy. We turned the music up and used it as an excuse to mosh.
Fourth hour.
Tenth through twelth cans.
We're all seriously wondering wether this was a good idea. One friend reports neon green piss, another regurgitates a bottomless black pit and yet another is bouncing around on the trampoline like his life depends on it. I'm feeling quite giddy by this time, flying on a caffeine high that's actually more like things have sped up a bit. It's more like being a hyperactive ten year old whose been fed too many red frogs and I have experienced the neon green toilet visions. We've far surpassed the 'safe' daily dosage and fear that the caffeine may have lasting effects. If we ever decide to do anything that stupid again, someone, please knock us out till we see sense. It just goes to show that there are warnings on things for a reason, most of the time.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
You know what really shits me off? Parents who think they can stick their fingers in the control of your life. I'm nearly 20, and I have a 2 year old son whom I'm responsible for, not to mention my partners just been made redundant so that's 2 people besides myself who I have to budget for each week. My mother decides, regularly, to take control of my finances, and subsequently my freedom, by paying off laybys and buying me cool but utterly unnecesary things which I MUST repay her for, nearly immediately. I had my glasses on layby as I couldn't afford 400 odd dollars upfront and was paying them off regularly so what does she do? Without consulting me, she pays them off and lumps me with the news that my next pay check is hers now. Now, as does everyone I'm sure, I have bills. Phone, rent, groceries, countless things I have to make regular payments for and compared to her, they mean nothing. She actually expected to get more then half of this weeks pay, leaving me with $60 to pay my phone bill, buy groceries and cigarettes and make sure that I have money for bus fares etc. Fuck that for a joke.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Little Match Girl
Little match girl
She sits on a corner, she just cries
A tear stained shade of black is her demise
Shadows cloud her mind
Ever present is the scent of her oblivion
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Answer her unheard prayers
Sitting in the snow, counting her madness
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Pray strength finds her
The warmth of some ones arms
Devastation be gone
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
No one cares
It barely registers; she’s all but dead
Countless days she’s drifted from one hate to the next
A place to hold her thoughts is hard to find
No one cares
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Answer her unheard prayers
Sitting in the snow, counting her madness
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Pray strength finds her
The warmth of some ones arms
Devastation be gone
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
No one cares
Like a bird she flies from destruction to destruction
Careless aimless without a love in the world
No one cares
No one cares
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Answer her unheard prayers
Sitting in the snow, counting her madness
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Pray strength finds her
The warmth of some ones arms
Devastation be gone
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
No one cares
©
Written by Vena Cavalera on the 19/06/06
All copyright laws apply.
She sits on a corner, she just cries
A tear stained shade of black is her demise
Shadows cloud her mind
Ever present is the scent of her oblivion
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Answer her unheard prayers
Sitting in the snow, counting her madness
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Pray strength finds her
The warmth of some ones arms
Devastation be gone
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
No one cares
It barely registers; she’s all but dead
Countless days she’s drifted from one hate to the next
A place to hold her thoughts is hard to find
No one cares
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Answer her unheard prayers
Sitting in the snow, counting her madness
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Pray strength finds her
The warmth of some ones arms
Devastation be gone
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
No one cares
Like a bird she flies from destruction to destruction
Careless aimless without a love in the world
No one cares
No one cares
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Answer her unheard prayers
Sitting in the snow, counting her madness
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
Pray strength finds her
The warmth of some ones arms
Devastation be gone
Reach out a hand to the little match girl
No one cares
©
Written by Vena Cavalera on the 19/06/06
All copyright laws apply.
Oompaloompas
Nigel vs. Billy
B: Oompaloompas are such funny things. With orange skin and green hair… whoever first invented them should be shot.
N: You can’t invent an oompaloompa. They are a species unto them selves.
B: They are a what?
N: A species
B: No they are annoying little orange men who always sing *in sing song voice* Oompaloompa doompety doo and squeeze the blueberry juice out of little girls who chew too much gum.
N: why are you are so predictable. You are like a broken record you just keep going and going till someone says * yelling* STOP. I never should have listened to the darned producer when he said I was going to be starring with a real character. They always embellish things that are oh so fantastical.
B: Quit using big words its hard for me to follow.
N: Get a brain you moron then things wouldn’t be so difficult.
B: I don’t want to be smart cause then every one would ask me questions and I would be as nasty as you then people would hate me
N: well I never at least people want to talk me. Not like you when all you do is open your mouth and everyone laughs at you.
B: It’s because I am funny
*interruption from producer* oi get back on the subject you loons *holds card up which says oompaloompa*
N: Billy do you know the origin of the oompaloompa?
B: No Nigel why would I. I kill them any way.
N: Well that one thing we have in common. Well Oompaloompas come from Wales. They are about 5”tree and have curly hair. Their brother’s name is Jamie and oooops wrong oompaloompa.
* Note from Rottweiler * I take no responsibility for any offensive words that are said or printed hereafter. All words contained herein are not my fault and the blame rest solely on the actor’s poor judgemental skills * loud coughing in the back ground and mug is thrown from actors to Rottweiler*
B: remind me never to let a DOG hire me next time
N: I protest at the thought of a canine being responsible for the downgrading of my genius. Its horrible the thought of what he has brought me to.
B: why are you calling him a dog when you are nothing but a crazy twisted lunatic of a second personality?
N: I am not a second personality I am merely a second side to very intelligent person and who do you think you are talking all you are is an over bloated stomach
*once again interruption from the Rottweiler* ladies please get a grip and move ON OR ELSE I WILL SET THE MENTAL HEALTH BOARD LOOSE *gestures to cage in which the mental health board members are going insane and acting like monkeys *
B: Hey Nigel, do you know how to kill an oompaloompa
N: no I usually let you do it. How do you kill an oompaloompa?
B: Well you take a very long range riffle and an exploding bullet and you…
*Disclaimer: we advise that you aren’t allowed to watch this because it contains stupid acts of oompaloompa violence and has no actual effect on your life unless you are an oompaloompa slayer like buffet or such *
N: No no Hello G rating here …
B: Opps forgive me chaps I had no intention of offence * imitates Nigel’s voice to which Nigel responds by slapping Billy’s head*
N: How dare you *begins to lay into Billy with the leg of a broken stool*
B: Remember the kiddies Nige!! Remember the G rating!!
N: *After calming down* Right right. Now back to the topic at hand.
*Disclaimer: We apologise but the program must be cut short*
N: Just what do you think you are doing?
B: here let me explain something to you mister Bull dog Well you see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, but naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
N: Was that necessary? I think not
B: Well how else are we supposed to get the message across to him?
N: If you have any brain waves, however doubtful that is, let me know
B: *light bulb pops up over his head* I got it * a grid iron player appears on screen and Billy furiously writes a message on a piece of plexiglass and throws it to the grid iron line backer, who subsequently tackled the bull dog who’s name is norm and knocks him out cold before throwing the plexiglass on the floor, shattering it, and yelling score!!!!*
N: You absolute nit wit, now what is that hideous piece of (insert appropriate profanity here) going to do to us?
B: No worries *he takes out a mobile phone, calls a vet and gets the bulldog named norm neutered*
N: you stupid sodomite of a cowards lame ass excuse for his brothers wife’s mothers cousins sisters baby boys nannies god child’s grandmothers great aunts sisters husbands fathers brothers mistresses son of a (also insert profanity here)
B: th-the-tha-that’s all folks!!! *close curtain*
B: Oompaloompas are such funny things. With orange skin and green hair… whoever first invented them should be shot.
N: You can’t invent an oompaloompa. They are a species unto them selves.
B: They are a what?
N: A species
B: No they are annoying little orange men who always sing *in sing song voice* Oompaloompa doompety doo and squeeze the blueberry juice out of little girls who chew too much gum.
N: why are you are so predictable. You are like a broken record you just keep going and going till someone says * yelling* STOP. I never should have listened to the darned producer when he said I was going to be starring with a real character. They always embellish things that are oh so fantastical.
B: Quit using big words its hard for me to follow.
N: Get a brain you moron then things wouldn’t be so difficult.
B: I don’t want to be smart cause then every one would ask me questions and I would be as nasty as you then people would hate me
N: well I never at least people want to talk me. Not like you when all you do is open your mouth and everyone laughs at you.
B: It’s because I am funny
*interruption from producer* oi get back on the subject you loons *holds card up which says oompaloompa*
N: Billy do you know the origin of the oompaloompa?
B: No Nigel why would I. I kill them any way.
N: Well that one thing we have in common. Well Oompaloompas come from Wales. They are about 5”tree and have curly hair. Their brother’s name is Jamie and oooops wrong oompaloompa.
* Note from Rottweiler * I take no responsibility for any offensive words that are said or printed hereafter. All words contained herein are not my fault and the blame rest solely on the actor’s poor judgemental skills * loud coughing in the back ground and mug is thrown from actors to Rottweiler*
B: remind me never to let a DOG hire me next time
N: I protest at the thought of a canine being responsible for the downgrading of my genius. Its horrible the thought of what he has brought me to.
B: why are you calling him a dog when you are nothing but a crazy twisted lunatic of a second personality?
N: I am not a second personality I am merely a second side to very intelligent person and who do you think you are talking all you are is an over bloated stomach
*once again interruption from the Rottweiler* ladies please get a grip and move ON OR ELSE I WILL SET THE MENTAL HEALTH BOARD LOOSE *gestures to cage in which the mental health board members are going insane and acting like monkeys *
B: Hey Nigel, do you know how to kill an oompaloompa
N: no I usually let you do it. How do you kill an oompaloompa?
B: Well you take a very long range riffle and an exploding bullet and you…
*Disclaimer: we advise that you aren’t allowed to watch this because it contains stupid acts of oompaloompa violence and has no actual effect on your life unless you are an oompaloompa slayer like buffet or such *
N: No no Hello G rating here …
B: Opps forgive me chaps I had no intention of offence * imitates Nigel’s voice to which Nigel responds by slapping Billy’s head*
N: How dare you *begins to lay into Billy with the leg of a broken stool*
B: Remember the kiddies Nige!! Remember the G rating!!
N: *After calming down* Right right. Now back to the topic at hand.
*Disclaimer: We apologise but the program must be cut short*
N: Just what do you think you are doing?
B: here let me explain something to you mister Bull dog Well you see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, but naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
N: Was that necessary? I think not
B: Well how else are we supposed to get the message across to him?
N: If you have any brain waves, however doubtful that is, let me know
B: *light bulb pops up over his head* I got it * a grid iron player appears on screen and Billy furiously writes a message on a piece of plexiglass and throws it to the grid iron line backer, who subsequently tackled the bull dog who’s name is norm and knocks him out cold before throwing the plexiglass on the floor, shattering it, and yelling score!!!!*
N: You absolute nit wit, now what is that hideous piece of (insert appropriate profanity here) going to do to us?
B: No worries *he takes out a mobile phone, calls a vet and gets the bulldog named norm neutered*
N: you stupid sodomite of a cowards lame ass excuse for his brothers wife’s mothers cousins sisters baby boys nannies god child’s grandmothers great aunts sisters husbands fathers brothers mistresses son of a (also insert profanity here)
B: th-the-tha-that’s all folks!!! *close curtain*
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